Out Of The Darkness Of Depression And Into The Light of Self Love...

I am filled with gratitude today…I give thanks for my life that is on this day and has been for the last several years. And I think about how far I have come.
In May of 1996 I came home from college to realize I was fitting into a size 16 clothing. I was smoking over a pack of cigarettes a day and had gone from being an active athletic kid to dreading my soccer workouts and struggling to gain my health back. But I was at a place where I realized how far I had fallen… call it my first “rock bottom”. I knew I needed to do some work to regain my health and most of all my energy and confidence.
Exercise and better habits slowly became a bigger part of my life and things got better overall. As my health improved so did my energy, my confidence and my passion for getting out of bed every day.
In May of 2008 I was sitting in a therapists office in Sheridan, Wyoming… Deeply depressed, with thoughts of ending it all as I struggled to deal with post partum depression. Call it my 3rd “rock bottom.” (Yes there was a second one in there…) I was lucky to have a great therapist who helped me and my husband understand what my heart, body, and mind were going through and set me up on the road to better mental health. First on the priority list was daily walks and runs with my son in his jogger to give me the “me time” I needed while still taking care of my family.

And in May of 2016 I sit here today, grateful, healthy, happy, and so utterly thankful for my body and mind health. I am filled with happiness at how exercise has quite literally saved my life, saved my health, and helped me be a better mom, wife, boss and trainer.
I look back at the times in my life when I was so incredibly unhappy, and am impressed that things really weren’t that different back then. What was different was the self-talk in my head and that way I treated myself.  Happiness is a state of mind, but that state needs to be fueled with good habits so we can enjoy all that life has to offer.
Today I treat myself with good habits. They aren’t always the most fun habits, but they are an important part of me keeping my head, heart and body in a place that makes every day enjoyable and achievable. Working out is hard, making the time for it is tough but worth it. Eating right is becoming less hard, but I will still pick a donut over an apple if given the chance. The difference now is that I know that the apple will make me feel way better than the donut and that makes it worth it… most of the time!
Today I graduated from my Registered Yoga Teacher 200 hour training. I am so thankful to be at a point in my life where good habits and health feel like a reward and not a sacrifice.
If you are struggling with depression, if you feel like your life is something you need to endure rather than enjoy, than take the steps you need to make YOU happy. Get help, talk to someone, but also be proactive… Go exercise, eat healthy foods that you enjoy, drink water, get good sleep.
I know these things might sound trivial at a time in your life when you forget what it even feels like to be happy. But good habits create better habits, and better health, and a world that makes you feel so good every day you seriously feel like you might burst with glowing love for the earth and everyone in it each day.
I think picking a few things that you enjoy and that are good for you is a great start. If you enjoy video gaming and biking pick biking first. If you like foods learn to cook some really good ones that are nutritionally full of variety. My wish for you is that you find yourself, find the love inside yourself that makes you your own best friend. Your life is worth living, and it is a gift. It just takes believing it to make it happen. 


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